January 4, 2023 is a day I’ll never forget.
It was the morning my company announced a mass layoff, the largest in company history. I watched in disbelief as colleagues, mentors, and dear friends, some who had been there for 10, 15, even 20 years, received the same generic email letting them know that their roles had been eliminated.
I’d been with the company for eight years at that point, recently accepted into a new employee engagement role, and felt like I was hitting my stride. I was all in, drinking the corporate Kool-Aid, pursuing impact, and genuinely excited about the work I was doing.
But that January day changed something in me. I sat at my desk with tears streaming down my face, my heart breaking for those impacted and my mind spinning, wondering why my role had been spared. I realized for the first time how fragile working in corporate America was. Even though my role was safe, I knew that I easily could have been on that list.
That moment forced a hard truth – no matter how much I cared about a company, it was clear that the company would never care about me in the same way.
After that day, I made a promise to myself. I’d keep showing up as the high-performing employee I’d always been, but I was done doing it at the expense of personal sacrifices. I had to detach my sense of worth from my company.
A few weeks ago, I came across a post by Laurie Ruettimann on LinkedIn that perfectly put words to what I’ve been practicing ever since: “Your CEO isn’t crying in the bathroom. You shouldn’t either. Learn this executive skill: professional detachment.”
Laurie explains that professional detachment doesn’t mean you’re cold or that you don’t care. It means you can do your job well without linking your identity, self-worth, or emotional stability to every meeting, deadline, or Slack/Teams message. It’s about being more intentional about choosing where your energy goes, what you internalize, and what you release.
When we make our work our identity, we start giving more than what’s required, which could look like responding to 10pm emails, spending a soul-sucking amount of time on a slide deck, or taking on someone else’s workload without additional pay. We assume every moment of urgency requires our sacrifice and for us to drop everything to accommodate. But it doesn’t.
If you want to thrive in corporate today, let me reinforce Laurie’s hot take. Master the skill of caring less about proving yourself and getting caught up in the politics and caring more about your peace and purpose. Because when you protect your peace, you show up calmer, clearer, and more confident. And when you connect to your purpose, you bring meaning to your work instead of letting your work define your worth.
Here’s how to put professional detachment into practice:
- Stop over-functioning. You don’t have to prove your value by overextending yourself. You can care deeply about your work and still close the laptop at 5pm.
- Set the tone for your experience. Your leadership or HR doesn’t define your boundaries. You do. You get to decide how accessible you are after hours, how you respond to urgent messages, and what constitutes an actual emergency.
- Don’t take things personally. This is a hard one, I know. But a canceled meeting isn’t a personal attack. A reorg isn’t a betrayal. A quiet boss doesn’t mean you’re failing. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you. It sounds harsh, but business is business. Do your best to take the emotions out of it.
- Remember who you are outside of work. You can be ambitious and accomplished and have a full life beyond your job title. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, live your life, and do the things that make you feel alive.
I’ll leave you with this: your job is what you do, not who you are.
If you need more guidance and support on this, I wrote a blog post earlier this year about separating your identity from your job. If you want to chat, you can also book a complimentary 15-min call with me here.
Kelly Nash is a Chicago-based career alignment coach, speaker, and founder of Lipstick & Ink®. With over 15 years of professional experience in marketing and tech, including over a decade at Salesforce, Kelly provides an impactful and relatable insider view for clients. Kelly has been featured in Thrive Global, International Association of Women, and General Assembly. She’s fueled by black coffee, sunshine, a good ink pen, and a bold lip.
