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Life Lately: Volume 8 – Your Feelings Are Valid

April 8, 2020 by Kelly Nash Leave a Comment

I saw a quote the other day about how we’re all in the same boat when it comes to this pandemic. To know everyone around the globe is in this together during this time is pretty powerful when you think about it. But while we’re all in the same boat, I want to call attention to the fact that these uncharted waters are affecting us all in different ways. We’re experiencing varying feelings, thoughts, situations, and hardships.

With everything this virus has brought on, there is a deep sense of loss. Loss of life undoubtedly, but also loss of normalcy, safety, and control. It’s even been said that it feels a lot like grief.

Feeling like you're navigating uncharted waters.

We’ve never been faced with a global pandemic that’s halted how we live our lives. Life as we know it has changed. We’re being told to social distance and shelter in place for long periods of time, something that comes unnaturally to us as social creatures. Workers are losing their jobs and worried about when their next paycheck will come. Entrepreneurs are making the difficult decision to shutter their businesses. Families are being forced to separate for the immediate future. The sick are fighting for their lives. Healthcare workers are doing everything they can to save those lives. Loved ones are dying alone. There’s so much happening that it can weigh heavy.

For me, I’m fortunate to still have my job and have the ability to work from home. There are no major life events happening for me personally that are risk of being postponed or canceled. I haven’t lost anyone I know personally due to the virus. I remind myself of all of this every day and I definitely don’t take that lightly. Perspective has kept me honest and I’ve reminded myself that my situation could be so much worse. But just because I’m not being directly affected by the coronavirus doesn’t mean that I’m not struggling or not feeling the negative effects of it.

I’m feeling a deep sense of helplessness and sadness. I’m an empath by nature so watching the news, hearing stories of those who have lost their lives or their jobs, and talking to family and friends who have been affected in some way overwhelms me emotionally more than I tend to let on. My anxiety has come back in waves over the last few weeks, forcing me to face it and figure out how to cope with it as best as I can during these uncertain circumstances. I also started a new role at my company last month and jumped from 11 clients to 108. I’m working more hours now than I did prior to this pandemic, feeling a kind of pressure I haven’t felt in years. I’m navigating new processes, difficult client conversations, and many unknowns, as the team I joined is net-new and we’re building it from the ground up. There are days I feel submerged underwater and am doing everything I can to get afloat and catch my breath.

And then the guilt pulls me down farther and washes over me time and time again, shaming me for feeling the emotions that I have. You don’t have a right to feel this way, it screams. The guilt compounded a few weeks ago especially when someone responded to me on social media about my anxiety and told me how lucky I should be that I can work and stay at home. I already felt terrible but that set me over the edge.

But through conversations with my friends (including those who have been furloughed), they’ve reminded me that regardless of the situation I’m in, it doesn’t mean my feelings are any less valid. My friend, Katy, said something in particular that struck me so hard that I had to share: “𝙬𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙧𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙚.” We are all struggling in our own ways and nobody else’s struggles should make yours feel less than. We’re allowed to be disappointed about the canceled trip. We’re allowed to be sad about the wedding or celebration that is postponed. We’re allowed to feel overwhelmed because of work or taking care of the kids. We’re allowed to be angry about the people who aren’t taking this seriously. We’re allowed to grieve over the fact that we can’t be together with our families and friends.

Feeling - your feelings are valid.

Regardless of your situation, your feelings matter and you have every right to process them and go through them. While it’s important to have gratitude for what we have, that doesn’t mean we should ignore our feelings. And we shouldn’t shame ourselves – or others – for feeling a certain way either. We need to be aware that we’re all going through different waves and that more than anything, we need compassion at a time like this.

We’ll get through this – together.

Pink lipstick stain

Kelly, Founder of Lipstick & Ink
Kelly Nash

Kelly Nash is a Chicago-based writer, speaker, career advisor, and founder of Lipstick & Ink®. In addition, she works full-time in technology as a Success Manager at Salesforce and has over 10 years of digital marketing experience. Kelly has been featured in Thrive Global, International Association of Women, General Assembly, Salesforce, SheFactor, and Six Degrees Society. She is also in the process of writing her first book.

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Filed Under: life lately Tagged With: life changes, life lately, mental health, realtalk, reflections, wellness

About Kelly Nash

Kelly Nash is a Chicago-based writer, speaker, career advisor, and founder of Lipstick & Ink®. In addition, she works full-time in technology as a Success Manager at Salesforce and has over 10 years of digital marketing experience. Kelly has been featured in Thrive Global, International Association of Women, General Assembly, Salesforce, SheFactor, and Six Degrees Society. She is also in the process of writing her first book.

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HI THERE!

Kelly, Founder of Lipstick & Ink

Welcome to Lipstick & Ink®, your home for everything career, wellness and #realtalk inspired. I’m Kelly, a Chicago-based advertising tech professional, career advisor, writer, speaker, events host, and goal getter.

Whether we’re discussing career advancement, the job search or keeping our mental health in check, I encourage you to own your power and make your mark - one lipstick stain at a time.

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Kelly💋 Career Advisor & Writer
I was in a meeting when Adam texted me, telling me I was in a meeting when Adam texted me, telling me to check Twitter with a screenshot of a tweet: "The US Capitol is now on lockdown." Immediately, my heart started to race and my first thought was, 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙬?
⠀
Just when we think we're taking two steps forward, we take one massive step back. We all know what we saw yesterday. And the reality is that our country is still divided over what to even call yesterday’s events. 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐝, 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐲, 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐰. My loss of control feeling then resurfaced, something I've certainly grown accustomed to these last 10 months. The utter shock spiraled me into checking my Twitter feed and watching the news for 𝟷𝟸 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝. I couldn't fall asleep until 𝟹𝚊𝚖.
⠀
I woke up this morning wondering how I was going to get through the rest of this week. 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴, 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘺? Here’s what I came up with:
♡ 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹. Minimize the news and social media you take in. I'm distancing myself and dialing in on protecting my energy.⠀
♡ 𝗪𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗽𝗮𝗽𝗲𝗿. I recently started writing morning pages (thanks to @juliacameronlive), where you start the day writing 3 pages of long-form writing about anything. I wrote about how I was feeling in today’s pages.⠀
♡ 𝗚𝗼 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗸. Adam and I went for a walk before work to get fresh air, & clear our heads.⠀
♡ 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. Check in with others (including people you work with) and connect by sharing your thoughts and feelings too. If you need time to process, be open with your manager and ask.⠀
♡ 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹-𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴. Take breaks during the work day. End work at a reasonable hour and do something that gives you joy. I plan on doing yoga to calm my mind & lose myself in a book. {continued in comments}
My goal in 2020 was to complete my book's manuscri My goal in 2020 was to complete my book's manuscript. As you probably know, I didn’t come close to reaching it since I'm still working on it. And #itsokay. Old me would have dwelled on it, beating myself up for not accomplishing it. But I now know this: 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐚𝐥, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭.
⠀
I wrote my 2020 goal down and pinned it on the wall in front of my desk for me to see every day last year, to push me to put my vision into action. It was my 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳, a reminder to myself to keep going, even on the days I was discouraged. It led me to get serious about my goal, hiring a book coach, and 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯.
⠀
While I didn't finish in the timeframe I had originally hoped, I myself know how much thought, time, and dedication went into attempting to achieve my goal. Looking back, there was 𝑺𝑶 much progress.
⠀
January, as we know, is a time to set new goals for the year ahead. I'll be thinking about mine and writing them down this month once again to keep me motivated throughout the year. My reminder to you (and me for that matter) for the next 12 months is as you work towards your goals is to 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺.
⠀
𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐨𝐚𝐥𝐬 -- 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞💋
[𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗕𝗟𝗢𝗚 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗧] I [𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗕𝗟𝗢𝗚 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗧] I love NYE - not for the parties, the dresses, or really even the ball drop. I love it because I treat it as a day to look inward, to quiet my mind, and reflect. Every NYE since middle school, I've taken time to write in my journal and reflect on the year, to acknowledge my growth, to accept what didn’t go as planned, and to appreciate the life I am creating. The past few years, I've shared a lot of those thoughts on L&I. This year though, I went back and forth as to if I still wanted to share a recap given how intense this year has been. 2020 was taxing for so many and I wanted to be sensitive to that, especially when the end of the year recaps can cross into “𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦!” territory.
⠀
But I sincerely believe 𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙡𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙠𝙚𝙮 𝙥𝙞𝙚𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙩𝙝. It's important that we take that time to look back on our year and celebrate, especially before we rush into the goal-setting madness that accompanies a new year. We learn a lot about ourselves when we reflect, and write down and share our wins and our shortcomings. Not only that, we learn a lot from each other when we read these type of reflections. This year especially is important to recognize our growth because of the hardships we endured.
⠀
Despite how challenging 2020 has been, I do believe 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙩𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙪𝙨 𝙪𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙪𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨. I want to share those lessons and things I personally learned about myself, because this year will be one that we’ll never forget. In my newest post on L&I, I share:
⠀
☆ What Went Well⠀
☆ What Didn't Go So Well⠀
☆ What I Learned⠀
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You can read it all via the link in my bio! I hope that you too use the last day of 2020 to take a moment and reflect and truly appreciate how far you've come. Because damn, it was a 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘰𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐭. 𝐖𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐢𝐭. Wishing you a healthy, safe, and prosperous 2021 ahead ♥️
Living through this year has been challenging on a Living through this year has been challenging on a number of levels. There’s no doubt about it. Between the pandemic and the upheaval of our lives that’s come along with it, to the racial injustice many of us had our eyes opened to, to the ongoing political strife and divide, to the deaths of our loved ones, it has been a 𝐋𝐎𝐓.
⠀
It’s been a common refrain ever since March to wish 2020 𝙖 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙𝙗𝙮𝙚. I certainly don’t blame anyone for it. But even in the darkest of moments, it's important for us to not be consumed by it and instead seek the light. Find the good, find the lessons, find the realizations 𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴.
⠀
Which is why I asked the L&I community – 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮?
⠀
Swipe to see some of the top responses that were shared. You can also see the rest of the responses in a new blog post on thelipstickandink.com, via the link in my bio. Perspective and perseverance will always see their way through💋
As women, we are faced with 𝙖 𝙢𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙤𝙗𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙨. And with those come a 𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕚𝕔𝕖:⠀
➸ Those obstacles and challenges can either define us and hold us back from being our most authentic selves⠀
ᴏʀ⠀
➸ We can break free and rise to the women we want and are meant to be.
⠀
Each of these obstacles and challenges I've listed are ones that I've personally faced. Throughout my 20s, I allowed them to consume me, lower my confidence, and ultimately chain me down. I limited my potential for years without even realizing it. But in these last few years in particular, I've learned what it means to 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫. And with that comes making an active choice to let go of what holds me back.
⠀
I bring this up because 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐'𝘮 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨. Revisiting the memories and emotions and writing out these experiences is helping me realize just how much I've overcome - and still am overcoming. I'm in no means past all of this as I feel I'm a constant work in progress. But it feels empowering to reflect on how far I've come and have the opportunity to share that with other women. I can't wait to reveal more about my book in the coming weeks. There will definitely be more to come.
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Now, I want to ask you - what do ʏᴏᴜ want to break free from? Are you currently releasing anything that's been holding you back? Let me know in the comments!💋
I’ve seen a quote all over IG & it’s one that I’ve seen a quote all over IG & it’s one that I slowed my scroll to pause and take in: “𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝙸 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍. 𝙽𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝙸 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎.”
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While living through this year has been challenging on a number of levels, one of the things I hope we can appreciate is the 𝙜𝙞𝙛𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙘𝙚 🎁. I’m not referencing the physical 6 foot distanced space we’ve grown accustomed to. (That part has been hard - I really miss hugging my mom 😭.) I’m talking about the 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲 we’ve been given - 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙥𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚, 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙣, 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡, 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚. Through the gift of space, 2020 has been a year in which we’ve learned what we need, what adds value to our lives, and what depletes us.
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For me in particular, 2020 made space for:⠀
🎲.Play and connecing with my inner child⠀
💭 Reflection and journaling⠀
🙅🏻‍♀️ Boundaries and learning to say no⠀
💬 Tough conversations on racial injustice, science and politics⠀
♥️ Connection with others, even when it meant virtually⠀
🌳 Getting outdoors and enjoying every walk and hike I took⠀
🤔 Curiosity into learning more about myself through astrology, human design, shamanism & mediums⠀
📚 My book, a dream of mine since I was a little girl⠀
🦋 Being present and learning the power of slowing down and tuning in
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It’s been a common refrain ever since March to say 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦 𝘵𝘰 2020. And it's crazy to think it will pass in just 24 days. The new year is going to come regardless, but 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 2021 𝙗𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪? What lessons can we carry with us from 2020 to shape it into the year of freedom and possibility that we are hoping for? How can we continue to 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞 even as our schedules inevitably fill up, our offices open, and our lives go back to a sense of normalcy?
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I'll tell you what, the space that 2020 created is something I'll certainly be holding onto and ensuring I maintain💋
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