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5 Ways to Handle Negative People in Your Life

June 6, 2018 by Kelly Nash 6 Comments

It doesn’t matter what you do or how you choose to live your life, there will always be someone judging you for it. Whether or not you choose to have children, work a corporate job or start your own business, stay put in the city you grew up in or move away to a new adventure, people will have opinions, and they may not always be positive. 

I’ve been a person who has always cared what people thought of me and have taken things very personally over the years. There’s been things said to me that have absolutely broken me and I’ve dwelled on it for days, weeks, months. Growing up, I would let the negativity eat away at me because I just didn’t really know any better. I let those negative comments and opinions overwhelm me. I was left wondering if I could have done anything differently or if I should change who I was to compensate. I’m not going to lie, to this day, negative comments and negative people still get to me. I don’t think I’d be actually human if I didn’t.

Kelly stands and ponders on Omaha Beach in northern France.

But as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to think of the negativity in a different way: I now put myself in the shoes of the negative person trying to bring me down. Any time I get a negative comment, opinion or reaction, instead of crawling into a ball and crying about it, I question why that person is saying something negative or acting in a certain negative way. I try to understand their perspective. Because more often times than not, it’s likely not me that is the issue – it’s them. Those people who are trying to tear you down or make you feel crummy about yourself are usually projecting their own insecurities, negativity and fears onto you.

When I think about bullies and haters and just overall negative people, I honestly feel sad for them. These are people that maybe aren’t so happy with some part of their life or who they are. This is why I’m learning to stop taking things so personally and respond with maturity and grace. There’s five things I’ve done that you may find helpful the next time you encounter a negative person.

5 Ways to Handle Negative People in Your Life Pinterest Pin

Always, Always Lead with Kindness & Compassion

We never know the type of battles people are facing. As I already mentioned, unhappiness or discontentment with some part of their lives is often what causes those to lash out and project their negativity. It can be easy to get sucked into the negativity and respond accordingly, but I challenge you to take a step back and assess the situation before you respond and stoop to their level. Think about why this person judged you or said something negatively. What is their motive in doing so?

I think back to what my parents always said when I was growing up: “be the bigger person, Kelly.” Let’s be the bigger person in these situations. If you respond, respond with kindness and compassion. It may throw the negative person off guard, honestly, and they may come around then and apologize for their words or actions. If they don’t, learn to just shrug it off.

Try to Ignore the Negativity

I need to practice what I preach here, because as I said, it’s easy to get caught up in the negative words and actions being thrown at you. It can consume you and make you question things. But I am urging you (and myself) to try to ignore the negativity. It’s not worth your time or energy to sit with that and wonder over and over again why they said what they said or did what they did. Find other ways to occupy your time – spend time with a loved one or friends, go for a walk, write in your journal about the positives in your life.

Forgive

I don’t talk much about my faith at all, but one thing that has always stuck with me through the years of being a Catholic has been the idea of forgiveness. To ensure you don’t harness negativity yourself, you need to allow yourself to forgive. Forgive the person or people that have wronged you. Holding grudges is going to do nothing for your overall wellness in your life and finding forgiveness can allow you to move on from it in a positive way.

I like to say that I forgive, but I don’t forget. I will always remember the negative comments that have been said to me over the years and the individuals who said it.

Use Negativity as Fuel for Motivation

Why do I remember the negative comments? Because I use them as fuel. Those negative comments are turned into positive reinforcement for me to either prove a person wrong or to motivate myself to keep going. I love a comeback story and I try to live that every damn time I run into a negative situation or person. I like to think that I can credit all those moments of negativity for the success I’ve had in my life.

Remember how in my 25 Things You May Not Know About Me, I shared how my dad and boyfriend (at the time) doubted my track and field capabilities in high school? I was so hurt that they had no faith in me to succeed and I did everything in my power to prove them wrong – and I did. My point is, while you can ignore the negativity to an extent, it’s likely going to creep back into your thoughts at some point. Instead of getting upset about how a person demeaned or judged you, see it for what it is: you must be doing something right in your life for that person to be so consumed with you and what you do with your life. So girl, keep climbing and keep kicking ass. Let the haterade fuel you.

Never Compromise Who You Are

Never, ever, ever take words to heart to the point where you change who you are or what you do. You are you for a reason and if someone doesn’t like you or your life choices, screw ‘em! Stay focused on your path and what you’re doing and keep a positive attitude. Allow yourself to grow from the negativity and treat it as a learning experience.

Kelly stands and smiles on Omaha Beach in northern France.

Negativity is always going to be a part of life, but know that those negative words and actions aren’t going to be what matters down the road. What’s going to matter is how you handled the situation and what you gained and learned from it.

Pink lipstick stain

Kelly, Founder of Lipstick & Ink
Kelly Nash

Kelly Nash is a Chicago-based writer, speaker, career advisor, and founder of Lipstick & Ink®. In addition, she works full-time in technology as a Success Manager at Salesforce and has over 10 years of digital marketing experience. Kelly has been featured in Thrive Global, International Association of Women, General Assembly, Salesforce, SheFactor, and Six Degrees Society. She is also in the process of writing her first book.

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Filed Under: mind body & soul, mental health, realtalk, thoughts Tagged With: mental health, personal thoughts, realtalk

About Kelly Nash

Kelly Nash is a Chicago-based writer, speaker, career advisor, and founder of Lipstick & Ink®. In addition, she works full-time in technology as a Success Manager at Salesforce and has over 10 years of digital marketing experience. Kelly has been featured in Thrive Global, International Association of Women, General Assembly, Salesforce, SheFactor, and Six Degrees Society. She is also in the process of writing her first book.

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Comments

  1. Katy says

    June 6, 2018 at 9:44 am

    For what it’s worth, I thought you were pretty fast in high school lol. I don’t know how many readers you have that are in the human service field, but I think they would agree that there is a hunt to bring bright-eyed workers down to earth. I would imagine this is not industry specific, though. Myself and my colleagues have had this experience from our own supervisors in the form of slamming new evidenced-based interventions suggested by new workers. EVIDENCE-BASED! It is a shame really, because not only does it stifle individual development for both the worker and our clients, but it hurts service delivery of the organization!

    This idea flows with your previous post about meeting goals. How often do the negative Nancy’s reveal themselves when you’re trying to meet a goal? Even great people can be negative and unsupportive when they themselves feel down and out… just like you said. Misery loves company right? It can be hard to use negativity as fuel, which is why its important to stay focused, like you pointed out. More and more great posts 🙂

    Reply
    • Kelly Nash says

      June 16, 2018 at 10:38 pm

      Haha, Katy! Well, thank you! You make such a great point about negative people creeping in when you’re trying to reach and succeed in a goal you set for yourself. It’s unfortunately so true that it’s easy for people to be negative about another’s success when they are feeling down. Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comment!

      Reply
  2. Sarah says

    June 6, 2018 at 10:43 am

    This is so well written and I can tell you’re writing straight from the heart! I love your positive perspective on this subject. It can be really easy to allow a negative person in your life to transfer their negativity to you, especially someone you trust and love. If everyone adopted the same mindset as you there would be no negativity to deal with! I admire your ability to write so vulnerably and share your personal experiences.

    Reply
    • Kelly Nash says

      June 16, 2018 at 10:39 pm

      Thanks so much, Sarah. That means a lot. Thank you for reading and for your feedback. Positive vibes only! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Jennifer says

    June 6, 2018 at 3:49 pm

    Great article. “Let the haterade fuel you”… I love it! Yes, people are always speaking from where they are on their “map” and it usually has very little if anything to do with us. Just looking at it like “oh, isn’t it interesting that they found it necessary to say that” without internalizing it, is so freeing! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Kelly Nash says

      June 16, 2018 at 10:40 pm

      So glad you liked that 🙂 It truly is so freeing to not let what others think/say to get to us! Thanks for reading and for your comments!

      Reply

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[𝙽𝙴𝚆 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙶 𝙿𝙾𝚂𝚃] 𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥. While certainly an overused term, it’s definitely not overrated. Personal branding is more important than ever as it helps you to 𝙗𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙥𝙪𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙧, 𝙙𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨, 𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙣𝙛𝙡𝙪𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮, 𝙖𝙙𝙫𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙚𝙧. Regardless if you work in the corporate world or consider yourself an entrepreneur (or both!), knowing and cultivating your personal brand is essential.
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Because here’s the thing – you already have a personal brand, whether you realize it or not. 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗱. However, understanding the power of your brand can be difficult and requires self-awareness, intention, and action.
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If you’re unsure or curious about how to get started with building and boosting your brand, I've developed a 5 step formula to do just that! You can read more about these 5 steps and your best path forward in L&I's newest blog post, found via the link in my bio!💋
3 years ago today, I pressed “Publish” on Lips 3 years ago today, I pressed “Publish” on Lipstick & Ink. Even though it was only a blog at the time, I was terrified to put myself out there. I worried about what people would think about me, wondered if my site was good enough, and questioned if what I was writing would even resonate or help others.
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At the same time, it was exhilarating and freeing. I was finally writing again, something that had been a passion of mine since I was a kid. I was in my purpose, sharing my knowledge of how I had grown my career and guiding women on how they could do the same. And most of all, I was pushing myself out of my comfort zone, facing fears I had avoided for years.
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Since February 22, 2018, I have grown more than I thought possible. From my blog to expanding to events to speaking to advising clients to writing my first book, I continue to find ways to grow L&I and make an impact. And I can feel in my bones this is only the beginning.

Through these last 3 years, if I could share one piece of advice as to what I’ve learned , it’s this: OWN YOUR POWER. Own the power of yours that’s generated from within, not outside of yourself. Your authentic power. Don’t give your power away. Don’t allow the thoughts of others to get in your way. Don’t compare yourself to others and wonder how you will measure up. Don’t hold back on what you want to do because you are concerned about how others are going to feel about it.
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There is always a choice to make in terms of whether you decide to own your power or give it away. And these days, I choose my power. I choose me. My hope is that you too honor who you are and choose yourself. Because when you choose yourself, you set yourself free💋
We live in a world of 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 We live in a world of 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 - and let's be honest, we have gotten reaaal accustomed to it. So much so, that we may be easily disappointed when something doesn't immediately go our way - including when it comes to our careers. Whether it's seeking a promotion or landing a job at your dream company, we need to remember that it may take longer than we like or anticipate.
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Most of the time, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒓 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒍𝒚. This is why it's critical to ᴘʟᴀɴᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴇᴇᴅ early on to begin preparing to reach your next career goal. For example:⠀
🌱 𝗦𝗲𝗲𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: Start making an effort to connect with your manager periodically to discuss your career growth. Voice that you are aiming for a promotion. Show to him/her that you take your professional development seriously by discussing your goals and ways you can start taking on additional responsibilities. Try and start taking on the work of the role above yours. Keep a track record of your accomplishments and feedback (L&I has a free template FYI under Resources in my bio!).⠀
🌱 𝗟𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗝𝗼𝗯 𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗗𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗻𝘆: Research the company and learn about their mission, corporate values, and their offerings. Take their available certifications if available to put on your resume. Reach out and build relationships over time with people that currently work there to understand the culture and to let them know you are interested in working for their company. Get your resume, cover letter and LinkedIn profile professionally reviewed. Tailor your resume and yes, even your cover letter for the job you ultimately apply for.
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Both of these scenarios 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚. But don't let that discourage you. What's something you're looking to accomplish in your career in the next 6 months? Don't delay - it's never too early to start preparing. Plant the seed now and watch yourself grow these next few months. Soon enough, after some hard work and patience, those 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 will come🌷💋
[𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗢𝗨𝗥𝗖𝗘: 𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗿 𝗗𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸-𝗜𝗻 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗲𝘁] Let's chat career conversations with your manager 🤓
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How often are you having regular check-ins with your manager about your career development? At minimum, you should be meeting quarterly to review your performance and talk about your career progress. Don't wait until your annual performance review to do so! ❌ 𝙏𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨 and put time on the calendar to meet periodically throughout the year 🗓
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Having these types of check-ins are essential to your professional success and it's important to go into them prepared with your own talking points. Enter the 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘳 𝘋𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘊𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬-𝘐𝘯 worksheet ✔️This worksheet will help you to:⠀
➢ 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰 your manager that you take your career seriously and are willing to put your best foot forward⠀
➢ 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭 on your goals and actions you're taking to get you to the next step in your career⠀
➢ 𝐂𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞 a productive conversation with your manager to discuss your wins, challenges, and what you want to work on in the months ahead⠀
➢ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞 awareness to your work and a better opportunity to negotiate a promotion/raise/added benefits
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Interested? 😏 Download the FREE worksheet via the link in my bio under 𝚁𝚎𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚌𝚎𝚜 💋
I stand firmly by this career tip. Putting yoursel I stand firmly by this career tip. Putting yourself out there in the workplace and showcasing bits and pieces of who you are is critical to 𝙨𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙖𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙙.
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When I first started my professional career, I thought that I had to be a "version" of who I was at work. That I needed to always keep things "professional" and that it was "inappropriate" to talk about my personal life. 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴.
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By intertwining my professional and personal brands into one, I've been able to 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘶𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴, 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺. Here are ways you can share more of who you are at work:⠀
✔ 𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐢𝐨: Whether it’s an internal-facing bio that's visible to your co-workers or the “About” section on your LinkedIn, take advantage of it! Go beyond just what you do for the company and talk about things you do outside of work and what you're passionate about.⠀
✔ 𝐄𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤: Those few minutes before a meeting begins are a great opportunity to get to know someone, ask questions, and share something about yourself.⠀
✔ 𝐓𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐨 𝐨𝐧: Zoom fatigue is real, but having your video on is a great way for someone to get to know you better beyond just your voice.⠀
✔ 𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞: Even with many of us working from home, you can still show a bit of your personal style whether it's a crisp blazer, a statement jewelry piece, or your favorite shade of lipstick.⠀
✔ 𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐝: Tap into the groups within your company that interest you as it will allow you to meet more likeminded people and talk about things other than work.
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Don't hold back in putting yourself out there and sharing more of who you are. 𝙍𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙩 𝙨𝙖𝙪𝙘𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙔-𝙊-𝙐💋
✨ 𝙽𝙴𝚆 𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙴 𝙾𝙽 𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚅𝙸𝙴𝚆 𝙵𝙴𝙰𝚃𝚄𝚁𝙴 ✨  Meet Brittney.
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@bsoliver is a Nashville-based career and lifestyle freelance writer and content strategist. Over the past 3 years, Brittney has built her platform, @lemons_2_lemonade, to help young professionals turn their career obstacles around. Her platform is known for its networking mixers, which have brought over 2,000 professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives together to turn life’s lemons into lemonade.
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I met Brittney at her Chicago mixer back in Fall 2019 and was so impressed with her story and what she was building with Lemons 2 Lemonade. I immediately signed up for her newsletter and followed her on all of her social channels, where we've been connecting ever since! We actually just wrapped up a #L2LChat of our own, where we chatted about the changing job landscape due to the pandemic.
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What inspires me about Brittney is that she balances working full-time and freelance writing for publishers like Fast Company and ESSENCE. She’s  a thought-leader, having keynoted LinkedIn's first women of color conference in 2019 and was listed as Forbe's "Nine Black Women Leaders Dedicated to Empowering Others." Not only that, Brittney has so much heart for what she does and never gives up on herself. That was apparent to me after hearing her story of going on 100 interviews in an 8-month period.
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In all sense of the word, Brittney is crushing any and all lemons she comes across. I can't wait to see how much more lemonade she makes this year. You can read our exclusive interview via the link in my bio!💋
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